The Name Game

I think we are about there. I think we have finally chosen a name for our second little boy, both first and middle names. For months we have been bandying names between the two of us, seeing if they feel right for our family. There are so many tests that a potential name has to pass with us.

1.  Has my husband ever played football with someone of that name, and, if so, was that person an idiot/loudmouth/unpopular for some other untold reason?

2.  Did my husband go to school with anyone of that name who was a geek/smelly/[insert other unlikeable quality here]

3.  Has the name already been used by our friends for their own children?

4. Will the name work for a baby, a toddler, a schoolboy, a teenager, a young man, middle-aged man and an old man?

5. Will I be happy to call out the name across a crowded park?

6.  Is the name so popular that there will be 5 other boys in his class with the same name, which will inevitably result in an additional description being added to each child, like 'Alfie-with-the-glasses', or 'Little John' or Big John'?

7. Or is the name so obscure that our son will have to spell it out to teachers, bank managers, call centre staff, and have trouble writing it as they start school?

8. Does it 'go' with the rest of the names in our family without there being too much matchiness?

9. Do the initials spell out something rude/inappropriate/or something that will result in an unfortunate nickname that will never leave him?

10. Is the name culturally appropriate for our family?  (We went through a not entirely tongue-in-cheek set of suggestions from my husband that centred around Latin-sounding names ending in -o or -i. Think Mario, Lorenzo, Albertini. For us, as a white, English family in middle England with no mafia connections whatsoever.  Yes, seriously. You can see what I was up against.)

Somehow, we got there in the end without contravening many of the above rules.  At least, I'm confident that we haven't burdened the second little guy with a name like the family in the film below.

The Gaylord Focker Wall of Fame from Meet the Fockers